On Foosheegee, Nanami and Makoto are in conference with Darth Diva.

Diva: The Queen is on her way to you. When she gets there, destroy her.
Nanami: Yes, my Lord.
Makoto: We hab tagen ober da lasd pogeds of primidib libe forms. We are in combleed condrol.
Diva: I will see to it that in the Senate, things stay as they are. I am sending Darth Jinnai to join you. He will deal with the Jedi.

Darth Diva fades out.

Makoto: Gosh, Nanabi-chab, I don'd ding I'm loogig forward do your fambly reunion.
Nanami: Our only hobe is do mage him use ub all of his lines, so he'll shud ub ad leabe us alone.

Aboard the spaceship, Yahiko is getting a quick show through the "Off- Limits" area.

Yahiko: Whoa! Bitchen! These are the Aestivalises?
Gai: Yes! But these are not just robots, young boy! These are war machines! With which we shall defend the universe against all injustices, and keep the blessings of liberty with us!
Yahiko: So they kick major butt, right?
Gai: Do they ever! Let me show you.

In the galley, Queen Yui has called a quick conference. Present are Nakago, Chichiri, Hotohori, and Yurika. Lina is sitting at the next table eating potato chips, eavesdropping but trying to look like she's not.

Nakago: The moment we land the Federation will arrest you, force you to sign the treaty, lock you up in a dungeon, chain you, manacle you, whip you, spank you, beat the soles of your feet, grind cigarette butts into your naked flesh...

Nakago runs out of the room to cool himself down.

Hotohori: I agree. I'm not sure what you hope to accomplish by this.
Yui: I'm going to take back what is ours.
Chichiri: Your Highness, there are so few of us, no da.
Yui: Lina Inverse?
Lina: Eh? Who? Me?
Yui: Help me, Lina Inverse. You're my only hope.

Nakago is calming down in the cockpit. He sees Jun and Akito staring out towards Foosheegee.

Nakago: What's the matter? There's nothing out there.
Akito: Exactly!
Jun: There is nothing to see out there.
Akito: Because there is nothing to be seen.
Nakago: What? Do you commoners inbreed like crazy or what's your problem?
Akito: No, look. There's no ships. The blockade is gone.
Jun: There's only one ship, and that's the Pokemon ship.
Nakago: How do you know what it is?
Jun: Well, what other ship would have such a huge Nintendo sign on it?
Akito: We haven't got much time.

Yahiko, dressed in a small Aestivalis pilot's suit with a Chibi-Gekiganger lapel pin on, walks in to see the rest of the crew getting ready for battle. Chichiri and Hotohori are standing around looking very handsome. Lina is doing pushups. Yui and all her cohorts

Koji: Could be worse. "Cronies". God, I'd hate to be called a "crony".

are dressing up in utterly impractical battle gear. Miaka is out of her Larva costume, putting on a schoolgirl's uniform to match Yui's. Tasuki and Koji are walking around half-naked. Chiriko is dressed up like James Galloway. Miaka sees Yahiko.

Yahiko: Hey, Miaka! Where've you been?
Miaka: Yahiko-kun! What are you doing here?
Yahiko: I was too old to be a Jedi, so I'm still travelling around with Emperor Hotohori and Chichiri.

Miaka leads Yahiko to a large room with nothing but a pool table and a juke box with the complete works of Dire Straits.

Yahiko: I want to help you, Miaka-chan. Where are we going?
Miaka: To war, I'm afraid. There's no other way...
Yahiko: No, I mean, what are we doing here?
Miaka: There isn't much time. Yahiko, quick. Bone me.
Yahiko: I can't. Emperor Hotohori says I can't, not until I marry you in the next movie.
Miaka: Goodie! That means I won't die as a virgin AND I get a beautiful wedding ceremony! With lots of cake, and confetti, and long slow dances...
Yahiko: I hope I turn to the Dark Side as soon as possible.

The opening track from "Brothers in Arms" starts. And while all that's going on...

...we'll just do a jump cut over to this part of the script. The ship is newly landed on Foosheegee in a rather swampy bit of the surface. The crew and everyone are staring expectantly at the surface of a local lake when Lina pops up out of the water in a magical bubble.

Lina: Nobody's there! Some kind of fight. Darnit, if only they'd kept me around...
Nakago: Do you think they were taken to camps? And tied up? And...

Chichiri bashes Nakago on the head with the butt-end of his light saber, sprawling him out in the mud.

Chichiri: More likely, they were wiped out, na no da.
Lina: Uh...no, wait! They'd go to Atlas City! When we're in trouble, like we're being harassed by bandits and dumb blond hunks try to save us, we always go to Atlas City!
Hotohori: Do you know where they are?
Lina: Of course! And I know this great restaurant with a lovely view of the bay!
Hotohori: Ah...

Lina casts a quick Raywing spell and the whole group flies off into the wild blue yonder, with Nakago's unconscious body waving behind like a flag. In the middle of a thicket of trees, Lina lands and knocks in thin air.

Lina: Yoo-hoo! Anybody home?
Amelia: *from inside* Uh, nobody's here! Nobody! Except for us chickens!
Gourry: *from inside* Yeah! Gobble-gobble-gobble!
Lina: Open up the door, you two. You know it's unjust to keep anybody outside when they're in need of help.

A magical door forms right in front of Lina, and Princess Amelia and Gourry Gabriev ruefully stick their heads out.

Amelia: You're so mean, Lina Inverse!
Lina: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to talk to Naga.
Gourry: It's your funeral, Lina.

Everyone files in through the door. Behind the door, the scene looks exactly the same, except that members of the Slayers cast are crammed cheek by jowl in the trees, on the ground, some are hovering in midair, etc. Most everyone has a kind of shell-shocked look. Some little kids are crying. Boss Naga is being held up above everyone else by Valgarv and Zelgadis, neither of whom looks terribly happy to have drawn Calf Detail.

Yui: Your Honor, we the Foosheegee wish to form an alliance with you, the Slayers.
Naga: Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Valgarv and Zelgadis: *shudder*
Naga: You lie! You lie! I'm on to your little game, little girl. You're bringing those attrocious overmarketed characters with you, aren't you?
Yui: I am Queen Yui of the Foosheegee!
Miaka: Your Honor!

Shock! Everyone gasps with surprise at the sight of Miaka stepping forward. The ambient air pressure drops 500 millibars.

Miaka: I am the true queen of the Foosheegee! This is my loyal bodyguard and handmaiden.
Yui: ...what?
Miaka: I'll prove it! My handmaiden has a huge hairy mole on her right hip!
Yui: Miaka-chan, what are you...EEEEEEEEE!

Yahiko has hitched up Yui's fuku almost up to her chin and is checking out her epidermis.

Yahiko: Miaka-chan's right! Look at the size of that mole!
Chichiri: Daaaaaaa!
Tasuki: *$%#! I wish I had hair like that!

Yui bursts into tears of humiliation as Hotohori brings out a Polaroid, Koji starts selling commemorative t-shirts and Chiriko starts laying down tracks for a mole benefit album. Miaka beams.

Miaka: See? What did I tell you?
Naga: Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! You must be the real McCoy there, little girl. No princess would EVER have unsightly body hair.
Miaka: Your Honor, our two great societies have always lived in peace...until now. The Trade Federation has destroyed all that we have worked so hard to build. You are in hiding, my people are in camps. If we do not act quickly, all will be lost forever...I ask you to help us.
Naga: Just grovel a smidgen, sweetheart.
Miaka: Pleeeeeeeeeze?
Naga: That's better.
Yui: NAKAGO!!!

In the Foosheegee palace, Nanami and Fujisawa are standing before a hologram of Darth Diva. Nanami is about to say something when Darth Jinnai bursts into the room with a whole herd of Bugrom.

Jinnai: Master! We've located their starship in the swamp. It's an unexpected move for her, though. It's too agressive. I'm going to be mindful. We'll let them make the first move, and then...oh, crud. You knew that, didn't you? And you're going to ask me to be careful, right? And I just blew my frigging line, didn't I? HELL! I'm down to two lines in this stinking movie and that damn princess is still alive! Well, I'll show her. I'll kill her, and the Jedi, and I'll be quiet about it. No, wait! I'll laugh! A lot! Before, during, and after the whole killing thing! Better be going! Ta-ta! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...

He and the Bugrom rush out of the room again. Utterly at a loss for words, Nanami, Fujisawa and Diva stammer a little and shift their balances uncomfortably.

Meanwhile, back in the swamp, there's a meeting going on. Chichiri is flipping through a Sears catalogue. Hotohori is keeping a close eye on Lina. Yahiko is trying to burn little holes into Miaka's skirt with his eyes, wondering if she's got a mole too. Miaka is trying to look smart and go over a map with Naga, who has been transferred to Sylphiel and Filia. Lina is making a few swipes with her sword and getting herself stretched out for battle. Nakago pulls up in a speeder with Yurika and Jun.

Miaka: Ahem. What is the situation?
Nakago: Almost everyone's in camps. They're being forced to eat Shredded Wheat and canned vegetables. Morale is insignificant. The Federation's Army is huge. In so many words, we're dead. I came back to tell you goodbye, I'm joining them.
Miaka: WE'RE GONNA DIE! WAAAAAH!
Naga: Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! You don't think Boss Naga would be so stupid as to throw her life away, would you?

Everyone stops and looks at Naga in amazement, except for Lina, who keeps doing squats.

Naga: The battle is a diversion. The Slayers will draw the Droid Army from the cities. Meanwhile, you can sneak into the city. Inside, you'll split into two groups. One will create a diversion again, the other will capture the Viceroy. Without the Viceroy, they'll be lost and confused. What do you think of my plan, you handsome hunk of burning Jedi love?

At the word "my", Lina stops what she's doing and turns beet red.

Lina: That was MY plan, you brain-dead goat-blower!
Hotohori: The Viceroy will be well-guarded.
Nakago: The difficulty's in getting to the throne room...ah, hell, he's going to start refering to himself with the royal "We", isn't he?
Hotohori: Won't there be a danger, risking the lives of so many Slayers?
Lina: I'm so grateful for your concern, Emperor! But I can hold my own. I'm a big girl. Just one kiss for luck.
Hotohori: *to Chichiri* You found us a chastity belt yet?
Chichiri: I found bug spray, no da.
Hotohori: Keep looking. She's nuzzling us.
Naga: I have a plan which should immobilize the Droid Army. We'll send those pilots we've got to knock out the Droid control ship that's orbiting this planet.
Yahiko: Isn't that risky? Can our weapons even penetrate the control ship?
Jun: There's a bigger danger. If the Viceroy escapes, he'll return with an even bigger Pokemon army. They'll probably number, like 2 gazillion and 50 at that point.
Naga: All right, everyone. *clap clap* Lina, stop rubbing up against that man. We're ready to begin the attack.

A few minutes later, the Slayers cast, in a phalanx behind Team 1--R2- PuuPuu, Lina, Naga and Jun--pour out onto a grassy knoll. They pull up as Lina starts jumping up and down and hollering to the heavens.

Lina: Yoo hoo! Hey, all you Pokemon! N-64 sucks Playstation's butt!
Jun: You're not going to moon them, are you?
Lina: Whatever it takes.
Naga: Oh-ho-ho-ho! She's not just flat, she's desperate!
Lina: You want me to fire this thing off prematurely? You asking for it?

At the same, Team 2--Miaka, Yahiko, Hotohori, Chichiri--are sneaking into the main city cleverly disguised as druids. In the middle of a wide-open plaza, they look around: they are alone. Miaka gives the signal, and Team 3 sneaks out--Akito, Yurika, Nakago, Tasuki, Koji, Megumi, Gai, Ryoko, Hikaru and Izumi, disguised as The Beatles, the Rolling Stones, and Simon and Garfunkle. They all bring out flutes, recorders, guitars, tambourines and the like and begin skipping through the deserted city, singing songs of praise. Hotohori skips beside Yahiko.

Hotohori: Once we get inside, you find a safe place to hide. And stay there.
Yahiko: Yeah, whatever.
Hotohori: And stay there, you got it?
Yahiko: I said yes! Dickhead. No wonder they kicked you out and made you become a Jedi and instituted a parliamentarian democracy based on Aristotelian principles.
Hotohori: Tell me that was a lucky guess.

Merrily singing tuneful tunes, the members of the party evade detection until they are inside the very hangar. In fact, a few Battle Droids have joined in with their skipping and singing. Since the droids are all in a nice line and since the team is going to be blowing their cover momentarially, Tasuki takes the opportunity to roast them, and that sets off their defenses.

Battle Droids: PI-KA-CHU! PI-KA-CHU!
Hotohori: Here goes nothing! *zwerm*
Chichiri: Da! *zwam*

Inside the main throne room, Nanami is so frightened she almost drops the Wall Street Journal.

Nanami: I dought de baddle was goig do dake plase far from here!
Makoto: Nanabi-chab, wad's goig on?

Jinnai rushes into the room with a bunch of Bugrom.

Jinnai: I just KNEW there was more to this than met the eye! The Jedi--crap. One line left. Damn damn damn damn...

Jinnai rushes out of the room, followed by a bunch of Bugrom.

Nanami: Quick, ged my stogbroger on de line.

On the plains of Foosheegee, a herd of huge Onixes are slowly crawling their way towards the Slayers cast. Naga's shield is keeping them safe from the laser blasts they're spitting, but Jun is still worried.

Jun: What are we going to do?
Lina: We're going to let 'em get closer...

Inside the hangar, it is a most gruesome sight. The splattered remains of countless Pikachus, Jigglypuffs, Charmanders and Bulbosaurs are on the walls, the floor, the ceiling, and the Aestivalis fighters. And more are coming. In a single-minded headlong rush towards doom, the Pokemon pour in to the hangar. The heroes are fighting hard, but they're starting to get tired. As hope winnows away, Megumi--hunched over a laptop computer with Yurika providing cover for her--finds it again.

Megumi: Great news, guys! The communicators are going again. We can begin the attack.
Yurika: Ok, everybody! Get to your ships!

The five pilots make mad dashes to their fighters. Yahiko seizes the opportunity to hide in the cockpit of another one of the giant robots...unfortunately, leaving Miaka wide open, but hey, love's kind of fickle that way.

Hotohori: Miaka! We've got to get you to the throne room. Can you get us there from here?
Miaka: AAAAUGH! AAAAUGH! AAAAUGH!
Chichiri: *hits her over the head with the butt end of his light saber* Da. Can any of you lot get us there from here, no da?
Koji, Tasuki andNakago: Sure.
Yurika: Well, let's go, then!

Meg folds up her laptop and they slice their way towards the exit, Miaka under Tasuki's arm. Without warning, the Pokemon part before them. Standing in the doorway, laughing like a nut, is Darth Jinnai. Everyone gasps. Jinnai laughs some more. Everyone recovers, waits politely for him to stop laughing, and then gives up because they have more important things to do.

Hotohori: We'll handle this. You guys...you know.
Koji: Yeah.

Meg presses a button on her laptop and sirens go off all up and down the hangar. Yahiko is confused by what's going on around him and looks to the other mecha pilots for help.

Ryoko: Aestivalis launch!
Hikaru: Aestivalis launch!
Izumi: Aestivalis launch!
Akito: Aestivalis launch!
Gai: Aestivalis launch!
Yahiko: Well, whatever. Aestivalis launch!

To his extreme surprise and joy, the robot under him switches on and begins taxiing out of the doorway.

Yahiko: Hey! Kickass! It's voice activated. Aestivalis duck under the doorway! Aestivalis follow those guys!
Gai: Kid, all you have to do is shout the name of your attack, and the Aestivalis does it for you. Watch this. Aestivalis--PUNCH!
Yahiko: Whoa!
Akito: Yahiko-kun! You weren't supposed to come along with us!
Yahiko: Kinda late to be saying that now, huh?
Ryoko: Yahiko-kun! You could be hurt or killed!
Hikaru: And he's still just a kid...
Izumi: Today is a good day to die. All ages accepted.

At the front door, Koji, Tasuki, Nakago (with Miaka), Megumi and Yurika make a break for it. Hotohori and Chichiri let their hair billow for a moment, then throw off their druid robes to reveal how nice their real clothes are. Jinnai respectfully eases up on his megalomaniacal laughing for a moment, simply posing and sneering. In dramatic slow miton, Hotohori and Chichiri draw and arm their light sabers. Jinnai draws out his light saber and arms it...then drops it with shock.

Jinnai: Jee-zus! It's got two frigging blades!

Hotohori and Chichiri sweatdrop. Jinnai cautiously picks up the light saber and swings it around a little bit. He's not getting the feel of it, so he hands it to one of the Bugrom and nudges him forward.

Bugrom: Urkle urkle urkle urkle.

The Bugrom rushes towards Hotohori and Chichiri with the light saber held flat. They step out of the way and slash the Bugrom to pieces from behind. Hotohori picks up the light saber and casually tosses it to Jinnai.

Hotohori: You want to try again?

Jinnai hands it off to another Bugrom and pushes him over to the Jedi. They get ready to slash it.

Meanwhile, in the big backyard of Foosheegee, countless Battle Droids are diving off of the Onixes into tight ranks and marching forward, blasting away.

Battle Droids: PI-KA-CHU! PI-KA-CHU!
Jun: Don't-don't-don't you think that we should hurry up and start attacking them here sometime soon?
Lina: Don't you worry...

In the hangar, Jinnai has run out of Bugrom. He's looking very, very high strung.

Hotohori: Now, you sniveling worm, tell me how handsome I look or I shall strike you down where you stand!
Chichiri: But he's out of lines, na no da!
Hotohori: Exactly! I want to make him suffer. Someone's got to pay for my humiliation in front of Samuel L. Jackson!

An idea strikes Jinnai. He runs away into a large hallway labeled "Funky Red Stuff and Certain Death--This Way."

Chichiri: After him, no da!

Koji, Tasuki, Nakago, Miaka, Megumi and Yurika have successfully made their way to the outside of the Foosheegee royal palace. They're standing in front of the West Wing, looking up to the third story window ledges.

Koji: We have to get up to the third story, and the throne room.
Tasuki: There's no *%#@ way we can climb up there!
Yurika: Meg-chan, is there an outside stairway or something we can use?
Megumi: *looking at her computer* Not unless we want to try running through a gauntlet of Battle Droids.
Nakago: I've got an idea!

Nakago pulls a length of rope out from underneath his Paul McCartney costume. He ties a noose in one end of it and slips the noose over Miaka's head. Then, with a mighty heave, he hurls her up into the air. The rope catches on a protrusion from the ledge. Miaka goes flying around and around, eventually going "klonk" onto the ledge itself.

Yurika: Shrewd.
Koji: Resourceful.
Tasuki: &$@@, man!
Megumi: Well, let's go!

Tasuki climbs the rope first. Then Koji, followed by Nakago, who resents not being able to look up anyone's skirt. Megumi climbs up next with Yurika bringing up the rear, because, hey, it's a captainish sort of thing to do.

Up in space, the droid ship is surrounded by hordes of Pokemon, all in custom-fitting space suits. The budget for making them all must have been horrendous. But the brave Aestivalis pilots are holding their own.

Ryoko: Don't you guys just dig this space opera stuff?
Hikaru: "Nessun dorma!... Nessun dorma!... Tu pure, o Principessa, nella tua fredda stanza, guardi le stelle che tremano d'amore e di speranza!"
Izumi: "KILL THE WABBIT, KILL THE WABBIT, KILL THE WABBIT!"
Gai: All right, Akito-kun. Let's show these boys what we're made of. AESTIVALIS...
Akito: TRANSFORM!

The two Aestivalises combine into one huge robot and punch an avalanche of Geodudes into gravel.

Hikaru: My turn! AESTIVALIS...BARRAGE!

Missiles fly out of the Aestivalis' batteries, and a flock of Psiducks goes the way of the dodo.

Yahiko: OK, I think I got this. Smoke me a kipper, loves, I'll be back for breakfast. AESTIVALIS...BLOW UP THE POKEMON SHIP!

For no adequately explained reason, the single Aestivalis makes it through the entire swarm of Pokemon, tears open a hole in the ship, flies to the reactor core, blows it up, and gets out of the way completely unscathed.

Ryoko: What a guy! You go, Ace.
Hikaru: I bet you he could become prime minister of the Galaxy.
Izumi: I bet you he could turn to the dark side in a couple of movies.
Akito: Uh oh, guys! We've reached the point in the movie where we build sympathy points with the audience by killing off one of the major characters.
Gai: And that would be...me!

A final Jigglypuff comes tearing into the Aestivalis' cockpit and chews off Gai's head.

Ryoko: How contrived. I can't bear to watch.

Down on earth, the horde of Battle Droids is almost upon the Slayers. Then from the heavens comes a flash of light and a teriffic explosion.

Battle Droids: Pika? Pikachu?
Lina: All right, folks, it's time. Jun, duck and cover. "Darkness greater than twilight, crimson from blood that flows, buried in the flow of time; in Thy great name, I pledge myself to darkness! Those who oppose us shall be destroyed by the power you and I possess! DRAGON SLAVE!!"

Magical force pulses from Lina's fingertips, flying into the droid legion. They are utterly annihilated. The Onixes that brought them are annihilated. A few inconvenient hills, trees, birds, rocks, streams and the like are annihilated, too. Such a travesty.

Naga: Oh-ho-ho-ho! Nice job.
Lina: Thanks. So will you let me back into the city now?
Naga: Of course not. You did that inside the city limits once, you don't get a second chance.
Lina: Well, exUUUUUSE MEEEE if I was a little high strung at the sight of you running off with my clothes while I was trying to have a nice bath.
Naga: So don't skinny dip, you flat-chested dink!
Lina: FIRE BALL!
Naga: FREEZE ARROW!

Inside the depths of the Foosheegee palace, Darth Jinnai is running for his life and cursing the fact that he doesn't have any litter bearers to do it for him. Chichiri and Hotohori are racing after him. All of a sudden, Jinnai makes a wrong turn and is confronted with a wall of funky red stuff. He prods it with his light saber. It sizzles the metallic plating on the saber. Jinnai yanks the saber back with a start.

Chichiri: Stop! In the name of the Law, no da!

The red stuff goes away and Jinnai steps cautiously forward, then into the next cell, where a wall of the red stuff cuts him off from the Jedi. When he sees them, he gives them an akanbe.

Chichiri: What is it, no da?
Hotohori: I believe it's funky red stuff...in which case, we'll just bide our time.
Chichiri: Yes Master, no da. And if I may say, that red goes very well with the blue of your robes, na no da.
Hotohori: You have become very wise, Chichiri. Now, get ready.

The red stuff fades away as Jinnai is trying to moon the Jedi.

Hotohori: We've got him with his pants down! Let's finish this!

They cross the space to him in a moment. Jinnai is struggling to pull his pants up with one hand while holding the light saber in the other, almost falling over backwards and staggering. As he brings his light saber up to block Hotohori's swing, his grip falters and he swings the edge of the blade through Hotohori's neck. Hotohori falls to the ground decapitated, though in an aesthetically pleasing way without too much blood. Jinnai and Chichiri stare at Hotohori. Then, a moment later, the red stuff comes on again, slicing Jinnai in half. Chichiri is overcome with emotion, and slumps down beside Hotohori's body.

Chichiri: Da...da...

The last of the three groups is charging through the palace, racing for the throne room. Tasuki is in the lead, roasting droids with his fan. Finally, they make it around a corner and come into sight of the throne room. Fujisawa, Nanami and Makoto are standing in the middle of a bunch of lobotomized Destroyer Droids.

Destroyer Droids: Squir...tle. Squir...tle.
Koji: Heave-HO!

He throws Miaka in the general direction of the throne. She slams into it upside-down, reflexively reaching for a large handle sticking up out of the floor. She yanks it towards her. A large weight, labeled "Ye Queen's Judgement", falls onto Fujisawa.

Miaka: Uh...
Yurika: How about, "This is the end of your occupation here."
Miaka: Right. What she said.

The other Foosheegeeans and the Emessens all pull out small blaster pistols and wave them around the room. Nanami is thunderstruck.

Makoto: Ogay, fine. Jusd as log as I ged a node here sombdime sood.

It is a few days later. A ship is arriving to take the Trade Federation representatives home and deliver Pedipalpatine and several Jedi to Foosheegee. Miaka, her handpeople, Chichiri and the Emessens are bidding farewell to Nanami, and to Makoto, who has finally gotten a nose. Everyone is eating junk food.

Miaka: (through a mouthfull of Pocky) Now, Viceroy, you're going to have to go back to the Senate and explain all of this.
Nakago: (stuffing his face with Twinkies) Maybe, as some kind of incantation.
Koji: (downing root beer) That once you start reading...
Nanami: Jab it.

The ship has landed. The Jedi Council and Chancellor Pedipalpatine brush by the trade reps as they make their way down the ramp.

Diva: Wait. You're not the Queen!
Miaka: We're on Plan B now.
Diva: Oh, yeah, Plan B. Sorry.
Miaka: Congratulations on your election, Chancellor.
Diva: I beg your pardon?
Miaka: I said, "congratulations on your election". To become Chancellor.
Diva: Oh, I thought you said...you know, the whole "l" and "r" thing.
Miaka: Ah. Of course. If you'd had one of _those_, there would've been some confusion.
Diva: *under her breath* You ain't seen nothing yet...

Later, Cherry and Chichiri are taking a walk through the rooms of the royal palace. The sun ambles in through the windows and onto the floor. Occasional pieces of art stand around and hope to be looked at.

Cherry: The Council confers on you the level of Jedi Knight. But I do not agree on you taking this boy as your Padawan learner.
Chichiri: Hotohori believed in him, no da. I believe in Hotohori.
Cherry: The Chosen One, the boy may be. Nevertheless, I fear grave danger in his training.
Chichiri: That's just because of the change in your medication, no da.
Cherry: Get off my case. Have we passed a bathroom yet?

They walk faster. They come to a men's room just in the nick of time. Youshou and Samuel L. Jackson are coming out.

SLJ: There is no doubt. The mysterious warrior was a Bugrom.
Youshou: There are always two...no more, no less. A master and an apprentice.
SLJ: But which one was destroyed, the master or the apprentice?

They give each other a look of concern. Mihoshi comes out of the men's bathroom with a look of concern, too.

And then, there's a big parade, with lots of confetti and balloons and streamers and all kinds of food. Yahiko Skywalker is standing at the side of Queen, getting a nice look at her hooters. Queen Miaka Buyallofmymerchandise is eating Triscuits and has to keep brushing the crumbs off of her cleavage, which Yahiko finds captivating. Taiitsu-kun is standing around, grateful to be alive even though she's old and warty and not remotely sexy. Ryoko, Megumi and Yurika are all arguing about who gets to stand next to Akito while Jun, Hikaru, Seiya and Izumi are tossing hard boiled eggs into the punch. The Jedi Council is acting as crowd control, with Shayla- Shayla and Ryoko (the other Ryoko) getting a little frisky with the tazers. R2- PuuPuu is still hopping up and down and saying "Puu puu puu!"

In the front of the parade are Naga and Lina. Naga, of course, is lapping up the attention, but Lina is down in the mouth.

Naga: Oh-ho-ho-ho! Lina, are you feeling depressed about that man?
Lina: Yes! He was bishounen, he was a Jedi, he was a terrific catch, and now he's dead in a nice handsome way. I'll never replace him.
Naga: Don't fret, Lina. Love comes quickly.
Lina: Oh, get off of it. You expect a halfway decent guy to just drop out of thin air?

Chichiri's hat appears right in front of Lina's face, and then Chichiri himself drops out of it. Lina catches him just as he falls. Chichiri looks frantically in the direction of the main stage.

Chichiri: Da! I pulled up too quick, no da!...

He looks at Lina. Lina looks at him. Flower petals, breeze blowing, cicadas chirping, the whole nine yards.

Fade to black, roll credits. Copyright 2000 Daniel Snyder. Permission to duplicate in any digital/binary/e-mail format; however, any physical printout is prohibited. Elements of this story have been stolen wholesale from the Lucasfilm production "Star Wars--The Phantom Menace", thank you very much Mr. Lucas; however, since this is parody, my butt is covered. Martian Successor Nadesico, El-Hazard, Urusei Yattsura, All Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Nuku Nuku, Fushigi Yuugi, Pocket Monster, Slayers, Blue Submarine #6, Kimagure Orange Road, Magical Knight Rayerth, Vampire Princess Miyu, Dominion Tank Police, Ghost in the Shell, Rurouni Kenshin, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Speed Racer, Cutey Honey, Tenchi Muyo, Card Captor Sakura, Kodomo no Omocha, Bubble Gum Crisis, Key the Metal Idol, Ranma 1/2, *deep breath* Vampire Hunter D, DNA^2, Gunsmith Cats and Cowboy Bebop are all the intellectual properties of their respective owners. Samuel L. Jackson, however, is in the public domain. As well he should be.

Special thanks to my prereaders, especially Chris Burke and Kathy Hassinger, the latter of whom's parody "Star Wars--Men In Tights" was the inspiration for this megacrossover. Special thanks also to the Anime Fan Club of Gainesville, Florida, with whom I discussed many of the scenes in this story.