Soon after takeoff, Lina is wandering around the ship. She comes across a door labeled, "Droid Locker Room: Do Not Enter." She pushes it open and comes to another door that says, "Pervert." She pushes it open. There is a row of astro-droids there in sleep mode. All look like identical obese rabbits with deformed mouths. At the far end of the room is a reinforced window, looking out over the wing. Lina watches as a droid works on the wing for a while, then disappears into a little hole she hadn't seen before.

Lina: Huh. Service with a smile.

Exterior shot of Lina looking out the window, panning over to the ship's cabin. Jun, Yurika, Nakago,Hotohori and Chichiri are having an animated (so to speak) discussion around the navigational computers.

Jun: Sorry, Yurika. I double-checked the math, and there's no way to get us to Kimagure with only this much power.
Yurika: I hate leaking hyperdrives. I really do.
Hotohori: We'll have to land the ship somewhere and make the peons perform repairs.
Chichiri: Da! Lookie here, Emperor. Kenshueene, no da...it's small, out of the way, poor... The Trade Federation has no presence there.
Nakago: How can you be sure?
Hotohori: Would you please keep your mouth shut when someone's talking to me?
Jun: It's controlled by the Hutts...
Nakago: You can't take Her Royal Highness there! The Hutts are
gangsters... If they discovered her...
Hotohori: Whelp, you really are getting on my nerves! You butt in once more and I start referring to myself in the first person plural!
Chichiri, Jun and Yurika: AAAUGH!

Meanwhile, in the Jinnai spacecraft, there's a little bit of a situation. Fujisawa, Makoto and Nanami are standing before the image of Darth Diva with their heads bowed low. Diva has a sweat drop on her forehead. If there's one thing you don't want, it's a sweat-dropping Burgrom. If there's another thing you don't want, it's to smell a sweat-dropping Bugrom, but that's neither here nor there.

Diva: Viceroy, find her! I want that treaty signed.
Nanami: My Lord, id's imbossible do logade de ship. Id's oud of our range.
Diva: ...not for a Bugrom...

A second Bugrom Lord appears behind Darth Diva. If Adolph Hitler had been 16 and Japanese, that's what this guy looks like.

Diva: ...Viceroy, this is my apprentice. Lord Jinnai. He will find your lost ship.
Nanami: Bro? Whad's by big brodder doing wid de Bugrom? Speag to me!
Diva: He will not. He only has seven lines of dialogue in this film, so he has to use them wisely.

Just as Jinnai realizes that he won't be saying much of anything for his on- screen time, the hologram fades out.

Fujisawa: Dis is gedding oud of hand...now dere are dwo of deb. *lights up a cigarette*
Makoto: We should nod have made dis bargain, Nanabi-chab. Whad will happen when de Jedi becub aware of dese Bugrom Lords?
Nanami: Dabbit, bro, Mob and Dad dook your Naboleonic Diaries away for a REASON!

Aboard the Fusheegee spacecraft there's a small party going on to celebrate their escape. Hotohori, Chichiri, Nakago, Jun and Yurika are assembled before Queen Yui and some of her handmaidens.

Cue rude interruption of the narrator.

Tasuki: Yeah, well, surprise, surprise! I don't get ANY #@&* RESPECT around here! I'm a tough warrior, I'm a brilliant strategist, I'm young, sexy and going to leave a few good-looking corpses in my wake, now HAND ME THE RESPECT I DESERVE, you moron!

...are assembled before Queen Yui and some of her handjobs.

Chiriko: Nice job, asshole. Gimmie that fan. *fwoosh*
Tasuki: AAAAUGH!

...are assembled, as I was saying, before Queen Yui and some of her handjobs: Chiriko, Tasuki, Koji, and Larva. Nakago is presenting the space droid before Yui.

Nakago: Are you done now, Mr. Narrator?

Yes, you may say your piece.

Nakago: Thank you. ...An extremely well put together little droid. Without a
doubt, it saved the ship, as well as our lives.
Yui: It is to be commended...what is its number?
Droid: Puu puu puu puu!
Nakago: R2-PuuPuu, Your Highness.
Yui: Thank you, R2-PuuPuu. You have proven to be very loyal. And, I might add, exceptionally cute.
R2-PuuPuu: Puu puu! Puu puu!
Yui: You have that adorable little red gem in your forehead. Can you feel me touch it? Oh! You like that, don't you?

Hotohori, Chichiri, Nakago and Jun all look nervous.

R2-PuuPuu: Puu puu puu! Puuu puuuu puuu PuuPuupuu!
Yui: Oh, just look at that adorable smile!
Yurika: And the way he wiggles when you tickle him there, Your Highness!
Jun: Your Highness...not every guy keeps his thing in his shorts!

There is an uncomfortable pause as R2-PuuPuu gives a very excited "Puuuu!" and relaxes in Yui's lap.

Yui: Larva?

Larva steps forward silently, but awkwardly, as if he's tripping over his own gown.

Yui: Clean this droid up as best you can.

Larva shuffles off. He's holding the droid in arms that look too short for his body. Hotohori and Chichiri watch him go.

Yui: Continue, Captain.

Nakago looks at Hotohori with trepidation. Hotohori steps forward.

Hotohori: We are heading for a remote planet called Kenshueene.
It is a system far beyond the reach of the Trade Federation. There we will
be able to make needed repairs, then travel on to Kimagure.
Nakago: Your Highness, Kenshueene is very dangerous. It's controlled
by an alliance of gangs called the Hutts. I do not agree with the Jedi on
this.
Chichiri: Crap, no da! Now he's done it!
Hotohori: You may trust our judgement, Your Highness.
Jun and Yurika: *wince*

Later, Lina is wandering around the ship with a large sack over her shoulder labeled "Loot". She pushes open a door and startles a young girl she hadn't seen before polishing up R2-PuuPuu.

Miaka: Eeek!
Lina: Who are you?
Miaka: Uh, nobody, nobody. Hey, look over there!

Under the impression she's fooled Lina, Miaka grabs parts of her Larva costume and hurriedly tries to put them on. Lina didn't take the bait and is watching Miaka with an amused smirk.

Lina: Cut it out, sister. Who are you really?
Miaka: Oh, please, please, don't tell anyone! I'm the Queen's only real handmaiden. My name's Miaka. You're Lina Inverse, right?
Lina: Yes, that's me! But why are you impersonating a bishounen?
Miaka: 'Cause it was the only way I could get a job. A girl's got to make it in this world somehow, you know.
Lina: Amen to that. Here.

She opens up her sack and gives Miaka a candy bar, and takes three for herself. Miaka scarfs it down.

Lina: Wow. You know how to put 'em away, girlfriend.
Miaka: So how'd you end up attached to those two Jedi Knight guys?
Lina: Oh, that's a story. I was minding my own business in the swamp, I mean, park, when I saw that some horrible Pocket Monsters were coming to invade my homeland. Well, I couldn't just sit there and do nothing, so I started casting spells...

There is a musical tone, and then the captain's voice comes on over the intercom.

Yurika: *tinny sound* If I could have your attention please, ladies and gentlemen. We are on our final approach to Kenshueene. At this time, please turn off all electronic devices...

The spacecraft lands on a desolate patch of desert in the 'burbs, or what functions for them, outside of Post Episode, a typically typical type of a typically typical desert town. There doesn't seem to be a great deal of action going on around, so Chichiri pops out of his hat and starts taking a look at the hyperdrive. He's no sooner started futzing with it than Lina starts harassing him.

Lina: Chichiri, I don't wanna go to town!
Chichiri: The Emperor is right, no da. You'll make things less obvious.
Lina: B-S! You just want me out of here!
Chichiri: Perish the thought, no da. Da! What the dickens happened to this thing, na no da?

Lina shuffles back into the ship and does a double-take. Hotohori still has his imperial robes on, but now has a piece of hay sticking out of his mouth and a sombrero on. He's carrying R2-PuuPuu.

Lina: Make things less obvious, he said. Sure.

Hotohori and R2-PuuPuu clamber up onto the wing of the star craft and look expectantly at Chichiri.

Chichiri: The hyperdrive generator got toasted, no da. We'll need a new one.
Hotohori: Chichiri, don't let them send any transmissions. Be wary...I sense a disturbance in the Force.
Chichiri: I feel it also, no da. But it could also be coming from that droid you're carrying, no da.
Hotohori: No kidding. The trials I must go through as a displaced emperor and a Jedi Knight...is it just me, or does that jewel start to glitter when he looks at me?
Chichiri: I think it's reflected off your robes, no da.

Hotohori and R2-PuuPuu hop back down off the wing. Hotohori's hair billows. He poses. And while all that's going on, Nakago is showing Larva out to them. Lina is tagging along at the rear.

Nakago: Wait!
Hotohori: What is it this time, peon? This better be good.
Nakago: Her Highness commands you to take her handmaiden with you. She wishes for her to observe the local...
Hotohori: *checks out Larva* Something's wrong here. Are you sure this is a real handwhatever?

He tears open the front of Larva's cloak, exposing Miaka's startled face. She squeals a little "Eep!" of shock and pulls the hole in the cloak shut. Chafing, Hotohori yanks off the whole cloak, exposing Miaka. She's been operating Larva like a large marionette. The mask is at the top of a pole she's holding, and the arms are being moved by her hands.

Hotohori: I'll be darned.
Nakago: The Queen wishes it. She is curious about this planet.
Miaka: I've been trained in defense and stuff... I can take care of myself.
Nakago: Don't make me go back and tell her you refuse.
Hotohori: You know what? I hate being a frigging ambassador. I'd rather get my head chopped off by a homicidal maniac than have to do this again. Whoever you are, you've got some explaining to do as we go.

They trudge off, with Hotohori leading the way, Miaka tagging along beside him and Lina bringing up the rear.

Miaka: Well, there was this union rule that said anyone who served the Queen...
Hotohori: DON'T YOU DARE TRY AND HOLD MY HAND, COMMONER!
Lina: I'm hungry...

Nakago waves goodbye and turns on his heel, going back to the ship; but he runs into Yurika as soon as he's turned around.

Yurika: Captain Nakago, did you have your cell phone on during our landing?
Nakago: ...uh, no. No, I did not. How dare you suggest otherwise.

The little group trudges into the city and meanders through the streets of Post Episode. The citizens look to be a rough lot.

Hotohori: ...moisture farms for the most part, but also a few indigenous
tribes and scavengers. The few spaceports like this one are havens for those
who do not wish to be found...
Miaka: ....like us.

Finally, they reach what looks like a semi-reputable independent junk retailer. There is a huge pile of junk in the back lot. Conspicuously, there's a couple of trashed Fuchikomas on the side of the pile. They go inside. The interior of the shop is dingy and ill-lit. The owner is a big beefy cyborg who flies about being held up by a small green fairy.

Battou: Nan iru ka? [What do you want?]
Hotohori: How do you do, fair clerk. We want a part for an X-1999 Clamp.
Battou: Ah, yes, ah yes, Clamp. We have lots of that. Too much of that, in fact. What kinda junk? Koitsu! Kite! [Boy, get in here! Now!]
Hotohori: My...thing...has a readout of what I need.

In comes a disheveled street urchin, Yahiko Skywalker. He is about 10, with well-kept but dirty hair and rags for clothes. He still looks handsome, though.

Battou: Hune ni noru no wa doko da ka? [What took you so long?]
Yahiko: Subarashi tenki da ne... [I was cleaning the bin like you...]
Battou: Ara, ara! Ittadakimasu. [Never mind! Watch the store.] Kimi wo, kimi wo aishiteru. [I've got some selling to do here] So, let's go out back, find what you need.
Hotohori: Thank you. Lina, don't touch anything.
Lina: Who, me? Touch what?

Lina aimlessly ambles around the shop, looking forlornly at all the neat junk lying around. Yahiko wanders over to Miaka and checks her out. Miaka blushes furiously, but shoots him a glance or two too.

Yahiko: Are you an angel?
Miaka: What?
Yahiko: An angel. I've heard the deep space pilots talk about them. They attack Tokyo-3 for no real reason and every once in a while get eaten by big Evangelions.
Miaka: I've never heard of angels.
Yahiko: You must be one. Maybe you just don't know it. Or maybe you're just a high-school babe in a sailor outfit.
Miaka: You're a funny little boy.
Yahiko: You're a real babe. Nice tits.

Miaka blushes again and she smiles.

Miaka: How do you know so much?
Yahiko: The guy next door has these magazines...
Miaka: No, I mean, about life.
Yahiko: My mom and I were sold to Ritsuko the Hutt, but she lost us, betting on the Pod Races, to Battou, who's a lot better master than Ritsuko, I think. Stupid synch tests.
Miaka: You're...a slave?
Yahiko: I am a person! My name is Yahiko. Don't forget it.
Miaka: I'm sorry. I don't really understand. This is a strange world to me. It's all like...some kind of mysterious play.
Yahiko: Whatever.

Lina is checking out a pair of identical feline-human robots. She pushes the nipple on one and the two start a strip tease in perfect synch.

Yahiko: The music! Turn off the music!

Lina ejects a tape from the back of one and the two both shut down. Yahiko and Miaka laugh. Yahiko smirks at Miaka. Miaka primps.

Lina: Aw...another anime cliche romance...and they're both underage, isn't that adorable...

Out back, Battou and Hotohori have finally found the part that they're looking for.

Battou: Here it is! An MST3K hyperdrive generator! Thee in luck, I'm the only one hereabouts who has one...but thee might as well buy a new ship. It would be cheaper, I think...Speaking of which, how's thee going to pay for all this?
Hotohori: I have 100,000 yen.
Battou: Yen? Yen are no good out here. I need something more real...
Hotohori: I don't have anything else. But yen will do fine.
Battou: No they won't.

Hotohori's hair starts to billow dramatically. Rose petals appear out of nowhere and float down around him. The sun shifts in the sky so that he appears backlit.

Hotohori: Yen will do fine.
Battou: No they won't. What, you think you some kind of Jedi, pulling that bishounen crap like that? I'm a seinen. Mind tricks don't work on me--only money. No money, no parts! No deal! And no one else has an MST3K hyperdrive, I promise you that.

Back in the shop, Lina looks around slyly. Then she slips Bonaparte under her cape...and conceals him. She strikes an aloof pose, whistling a little to herself. Yahiko and Miaka only have eyes for each other.

Yahiko: ...and I'm teaching myself the Kasshin Ryu techniques, and I'm making my own droid, and I'm a pod racer...
Miaka: Wow!
Yahiko: So will you come to bed with me?
Miaka: I'll think about it!

Hotohori rushes back into the shop, all flustered.

Hotohori: That dickhead had the nerve to suggest that I"m not handsome. We're leaving. AND, on top of that, he won't take my money.
Miaka: Oh. I guess this is it. I'm glad I met you...
Yahiko: Yahiko. Yahiko Skywalker.
Miaka: Miaka Buyallofmymerchandise.

The camera pans across Yahiko's eyes, then Miaka's. Their hair billows in their faces. Cherry blossoms appear.

Hotohori: OK, you've had your moment, now let's go. Come on.
Miaka: Eek!

Hotohori tosses her over one shoulder and charges out. Lina runs after them, despite the fact that she's weighed down with about three-quarters of a ton of used machines and spare parts. Yahiko watches them go. Battou and Greenpeace fly in.

Battou: Furai! Mi tsu zha muun an retto mi purei amon zha sutaasu! [Outlanders! They think because we live so far from the center, we don't know nothing.]
Yahiko: Yappapara yappapara. [They seemed nice to me.]
Battou: Kurin zha rakkusu, zen yu kan go houmu. [Clean the racks, then you can go home.]
Yahiko: Taraboomdeay! [Yippie!]

Hotohori and the gang are hiding in an alleyway. Hotohori has calmed down somewhat from having his vanity piqued and is talking with Chichiri on the com link. Lina is going over the junk she lifted.

Lina: A tank...thermoptic camoflague..."the ultimate deterrent", hee hee hee...
Hotohori: You're sure there isn't anything of value left on
board?
Chichiri: A few containers of supplies, the Queen's wardrobe, no da.
Lina: ...a painting of a naked guy...beer, always useful...another tank...
Chichiri: Not enough for you to barter with, na no da. Not in the amounts you're talking about.
Hotohori: All right. Another solution will present itself.
Lina: ...chalk, candles, dagger, blood-stained cup, human sac--what? We going?
Hotohori: We have nothing of value, that's our problem. Over and out.
Chichiri: Da!

We pan over to see that Chichiri's been standing back-to-back with Hotohori the whole time. Makes you wonder about the range of those transmitters. Chichiri disappears beneath his hat and Hotohori gazes off into space thoughtfully.

Miaka: You can put me down now!

The group walks out into the bustling market, looking around aimlessly, wandering lost. Lina snags a roast chicken from a street vendor. As she's struggling to take a bite out of it, Bonaparte falls out from underneath her cape. His cannon goes off and blows away a patron at one of the stalls.

Pops: Oh, my God! They killed Chim-Chim!
Trixie: YOU BASTARD!

Team Speed Racer lunges up from where they're sitting and get up in the collective faces of the Jedi gang. Hotohori is posing. Miaka is hiding behind him. R2-PuuPuu is oblivious and jumping up and down going "Puu puu!" Lina is sweating.

Speed: What kinda smack you tryin' to bring down on me and the boys? Hell, I almost got KILLED! NOBODY tries to run a 1-8-7 by Speed, nowhati'msayin'?
Lina: Eh heh heh heh...
Yahiko: Leave this to me.

Yahiko leaps up on Speed. The boy plants his feet on the driver's chest, grabs his collar and gets all up in his face.

Yahiko: The Yahiko does not get disrespect from some poorly- drawn punk-ass bitch and his so-called posse! The Yahiko and his homies will eat your sorry ass for brunch, and Misato the Hutt will finish you off IF you don't make her sick to her damn stomach!
Speed: Shut your hole, bitch! I'll see you on--WAR IS RAW!
Yahiko: You mean the Pod Race, dipshit.
Speed: Same diff. Now get off my friggin' chest and get me the Lysol.
Yahiko: Urochoro shittena! [I don't like you one little bit!]

They relax, pose, and go their separate ways. Hotohori is visibly impressed. Miaka's pupils have become little hearts, and more little hearts are flying around her head.

Yahiko: Hi! Your buddy here was about to be turned into orange goo. She picked a fight with a Dub. An especially dangerous Dub called Speed Racer.
Lina: Aw, no, he was just bluffing.
Hotohori: Nevertheless, the boy is right...you were heading for trouble.
Thank you, my young friend.
Miaka: Oh, Yahiko-kun! You're so coool!
Yahiko: Ain't I, though?
Miaka: *giggles*
Yahiko: Fear attracts the fearful. He was trying to overcome his fear by squashing you...try reflexive agression next time.
Lina: Sure thing!

Hotohori's hair billows for an accountable reason, and some dust gets in his face. His robes flap around, revelaing his light saber. Yahiko catches a glimpse of it, then looks into the wind.

Yahiko: Uh oh, looks like a storm. You'd better come with me.

Yahiko leads the group down the dusty streets to the edge of town, the slave quarters. Halfway down the street there's a large hand-painted sign outside a hovel that says, "Skywalker Kendo Dojo--Kendo a Speciality. No appointment needed!" Everyone wipes their feet on the doormat that says, "Hovel Sweet Hovel" and then scurries inside. The storm is almost upon them.

Yahiko: Hey, old lady! I'm home.
Lina: Mm! Something smells good in here...

Out comes Kaoru Skywalker, a woman no longer young who has seen much better days but has still found happiness. Well, as much happiness as you're going to find as a slave in the middle of a frigging desert when the only thing to do is to kill wamprats and eat them while you watch pod racers go cannonballing their way to abrupt doom. So, actually, she's kind of a shell-shocked bitter woman who just comes up for air now and again. Forget the whole "happy" thing.

Kaoru: Holy cow! Yahiko, what've you brought home this time?
Yahiko: Cut me some slack, Mom. These are my friends, Miaka and the others. *to Miaka* Wanna come into my room and see my thing?
Miaka: You mean your droid? Or your...thing?
Yahiko: Well, I meant my droid, but I'll show you my thing in a minute. C'mon.
Kaoru: Yahiko Skywalker, you keep your penis to yourself while you're in this house! And don't you dare go showing it around to strange young girls.
Miaka: I'm not a strange girl.
Kaoru: Any girl who spends her time with my boy has got to be pretty strange.
Yahiko: *chafing* C'mon, Miaka!

He pulls her out of the living room into the back of the hovel. R2-PuuPuu follows along just for the heck of it. Kaoru looks to Hotohori for an explanation.

Hotohori: I'm ex-Emperor Hotohori. That's R2-PuuPuu, our android. And this is Lina Inverse.

Lina is eating raw oregano straight out of the jar, and has the paprika all lined up ready to go.

Lina: Mmrph. Yeh, hello.
Hotohori: Your son was kind enough to offer us shelter. I have enough food for a meal.
Kaoru: Oh, thank you so much. I'm sorry if I was abrupt. I'll never get used to Yahiko's surprises.
Hotohori: He's a very special boy.
Kaoru: Yeah, I know. Thank goodness the kids in the neighborhood don't tease him about it.
Hotohori: No, I mean that in a good way.
Lina: *holds up a salt lick* You got any more of these?

Back in the bedroom things are still pretty clean. Miaka is scarfing down goodies from Yahiko's sock drawer while he sets up the droid he's been building. R2-PuuPuu hops up and down and tries to look helpful.

Yahiko: She's not finished yet. She's a protocol droid...to help mom. Watch.

Yahiko flips a switch on the back. The droid stands up and starts posing.

Droid: Sometimes I'm a protocol droid...sometimes I'm a pile of spare parts...sometimes I'm a bit player in a movie series...but the truth is...PROTOCOL TRANSFER!...I am Lovely Protocol Droid C-Thru-PO!
R2-PuuPuu: Puu puu puu puu!
C-Thru-PO: Yes, I know perfectly well I'm naked. It comes with being a protocol droid.
R2-PuuPuu: Puu puu! Puu puu puu!
C-Thru-PO: But I am quite sure that it is part of my programming.
Yahiko: That's one of the little bugs I have to work out, Miaka. Every time we switch protocol, her clothes blow off her body.
Miaka: Can I see your penis now?
Yahiko: I dunno...if Mom finds out I've been showing my penis to people again I'm grounded for sure.

Back onboard the spacecraft, Yui, Chiriko, Tasuki, Koji and Chichiri watch a fuzzy hologram of Taiitsu-kun. Taiitsu-kun does not look happy.

Taiitsu-kun: ...no more Twinkies...Kool-aid, some Capri Suns, and...the heck are Twizzlers supposed to taste...people dying, too, but about the bagels...if you can hear me, Your Highness...help! The number for Domino's is still...
Yui: My people are suffering without BagelDogs...
Chichiri: Da! It's a trick, no da. Send no reply...send no transmission of any kind, na no da.
Nakago: *hides a telegraph behind his back*

Shortly thereafter, things get down, dirty and evil on Kimagure. Darths Jinnai and Diva are in conference on a nice high platform where they can look down over all their minions-to-be.

Jinnai: I want more lines. Come on! I deserve more than just seven lines in this movie.
Diva: You're down to six, and that's the way it's going to have to be. Now get your facepainted fanny to Kenshueene and find that Queen.
Jinnai: No! I want more lines! Give me more lines! Give me more lines right now!!!

Diva holds up her thumb and index finger menacingly.

Diva: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Nothing happens to Jinnai, but he looks nervously from the hand to Diva and back.

Jinnai: I know what I'll do. I'll laugh a lot. You can't stop me from doing that, and I'll get the most out of every line. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha...
Diva: You have been well trained, my young apprentice, they will
be no match for you. It is too late for them to stop us now. Everything is
going as planned.

In Le Hovel du Skywalker, it's mealtime. Lina and Miaka have gone through their portions and grabbed Hotohori's and Kaoru's respectively . They devour their food noisily and greedily. Everyone else is trying to have a conversation.

Kaoru: All slaves have transmitters placed inside their bodies somewhere. Any attempt to escape...
Yahiko: ...and they blow you up...poof!
Lina: ...how wude...
Miaka: ... I can't...believe...there is still...slavery...in the galaxy...the Republic's...anti-slavery laws...
Kaoru: The Republic doesn't exist out here...we must survive on our own.
Lina and Miaka: Oh.

Both have now cleaned their bowls and are nibbling on the bowls themselves in perfect unison. Yahiko tries to get conversation going again by talking to Hotohori.

Yahiko: Have you ever seen a Podrace?
Hotohori: They have Podracing on Malastare. Very fast, very dangerous. Utterly lower-class.
Yahiko: I'm the only character from this anime who can do it.
Kaoru: Yahiko, dear...
Yahiko: Mom, what? I'm not bragging. It's true. Battou says he's
never heard of a character from Meiji Japan doing it.
Hotohori: You must have Jedi reflexes if you race Pods.
Kaoru: One moment.

She whips out her rattan sword and slams it down on the table between Lina and Miaka, who have completely eaten their bowls and started gnawing on the table. They both grin sheepishly and sit up straight.

Yahiko: I was wondering something...
Hotohori: What?
Yahiko: Spit it out. You're a Jedi Knight, aren't you?
Hotohori: What makes you think that?
Yahiko: I saw your laser sword. Only Jedi carry that kind of weapon.
Hotohori: Perhaps I killed a Jedi and stole it from him.
Yahiko: No, then you'd be a bad guy bishounen and wear even dumber clothes.
Hotohori: Thanks for nothing, mousefart.
Yahiko: I had a dream I was a Jedi. I came back here and freed all the slaves...have you come to free us?
Hotohori: No, I'm afraid not...

Yahiko kicks Hotohori in the shins.

Hotohori: You little bastard. All right, I'll only say this once. You mustn't let anyone know about us...we're on our way to Kimagure, the central system in the Republic, on a very important mission, and it must be kept secret. Think you can keep your damn trap shut about THAT, squirt?
Yahiko: Up yours. So how come you ended up here on the outer rim?
Miaka: Our ship was damaged, and we're stranded here until we can repair it.
Yahiko: I can help! I can fix anything!
Hotohori: I'm not sure we WANT your help, you sniveling Untouchable. In any case, our first job is to aquire the parts we need...
Lina: And we've got nothing to trade.
Miaka: Oh, Yahiko, can't you help us find a weakness in these beastly junk-dealer's hearts?
Kaoru: Gambling. Everything here revolves around betting on those awful races.
Hotohori: Podracing... Greed can be a powerful ally.. if it's used properly.
Lina: Amen to that!
Yahiko: I've built a racer! It's the fastest ever...There's a big race tomorrow, on Boomer Eve. You could enter my pod. It's all but finished...
Kaoru: Yahiko-chan, settle down. Battou won't let you...
Yahiko: Battou doesn't know I've built it. You could make him think it's yours, and you could get him to let me pilot it for you.
Kaoru: Well, this is bloody marvelous, isn't it? Only one kid to pass on the tradition of this family's kendo, and my son wants to race pods. I never put MY momma this kind of hell when I was growing up!
Yahiko: Don't tell me what to do, you old bat. 'Sides, Miaka-chan is in trouble. The prize money would more than pay for the parts they need.
Kaoru: Oh, my life, my life... *gulp* I may not like it, but he can help you...he was meant to help you.
Yahiko: She said yes! She said yes! Come on, Miaka! Let's celebrate!

He jumps over the table and grabs Miaka, scooping her up in his arms. She giggles and blushes. They head straight for Yahiko's bedroom.

C-Thru-PO: *from the back* Sometimes I'm a voyeur...sometimes I'm a Lolita-complex pervert...sometimes I'm a lesbian...but the truth is...I'm an innocent bystander!

Kaoru hangs her head in her hands.

Kaoru: What does that Y chromasome do to you people?
Hotohori: Silence, serf. I'm thinking.

On to Part 3!